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Unique playlist

This lists the existing plays you can get from specific instruments, the bonuses mentioned to get some of the messages are only rough but no matter how rare or often you get, the message the bonus mentioned will be within its reach.
These instruments have something different to the ordinary plays you get shown in the common playlist section.

Note:

If tunes (for some stringed), performs and serenades (and plays though unlikely) are not mentioned in this page for the respective instrument, it means they aren't included because they aren't different to the usual common messages seen.

Instruments list

A-ZGroup
  1. Bamboo Flute
  2. Bass Horn
  3. Biwa
  4. Black Clarinet
  5. Black Violin and Violin
  6. Carved Bone Aulos
  7. Clay Flutes
  8. Dark Glossy Lute
  9. Dented Penny Whistle
  10. Didgeridoo
  11. Dobachi
  12. Dragon Harp
  13. Ebony Guqin
  14. Ebony Organ, Magpyr Castle, Uberwald
  15. Hammered Dulcimer
  16. Harmonica
  17. Howondalandish Jungle Drum
  18. Kokiriko
  19. Lancre Bagpipe
  20. Organ, Gufnork Temple, Ankh-Morpork
  21. Ornate Wooden Harp, Magpyr Castle, Uberwald
  22. Piano, haunted house, Genua
  23. Piano, Assassin Guild, Ankh-Morpork
  24. Recital Harp
  25. Reed Pipe
  26. Silver Flute
  27. Small Brass Whistle
  28. Snake Charming Pipe
  29. Staves, Monks of Cool, Uberwald
  30. Taiko drum
  31. Wooden Koto
  32. Snake Charming Pipe
  33. Wooden Whistle
Wind
  1. Bamboo Flute
  2. Bass Horn
  3. Black Clarinet
  4. Carved Bone Aulos
  5. Clay Flutes
  6. Dented Penny Whistle
  7. Didgeridoo
  8. Harmonica
  9. Lancre Bagpipe
  10. Reed Pipe
  11. Silver Flute
  12. Small Brass Whistle
  13. Snake Charming Pipe
  14. Wooden Whistle
Stringed
  1. Biwa
  2. Black Violin and Violin
  3. Dark Glossy Lute
  4. Dragon Harp
  5. Ebony Guqin
  6. Ornate Wooden Harp, Magpyr Castle, Uberwald
  7. Recital Harp
  8. Wooden Koto
Percussion
  1. Dobachi
  2. Hammered Dulcimer
  3. Howondalandish Jungle Drum
  4. Kokiriko
  5. Taiko drum
Keyboard
  1. Ebony Organ, Magpyr Castle, Uberwald
  2. Organ, Gufnork Temple, Ankh-Morpork
  3. Piano, haunted house, Genua
  4. Piano, Assassin Guild, Ankh-Morpork
Vocal
  1. Staves, Monks of Cool, Uberwald

Bamboo Flute item
Play
  1. Putting the bamboo flute to your lips, you make a horrible noises.
  2. Blowing harshly into your bamboo flute, you make a few ear-shattering notes.
  3. You blow into your bamboo flute, you create a flat and hollow hooting noise.
  4. You play an annoying melody on your bamboo flute.
  5. You play a simple yet moving tune on your bamboo flute.
  6. A delicate tune comes from your bamboo flute as you play it.
  7. You feel completely at peace as you play your bamboo flute, creating a beautiful and spiritual tune.
  8. With obvious musical skill, you play a complex yet harmonious melody on your bamboo flute.

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Bass Horn item
Play:
  1. You blow into your bass horn, creating the embarrassing noise that someone who has eaten a meal of beans and cabbage is all too familiar with.
  2. You make a sound similar to a hoarse whistle on your bass horn.
  3. You blow sharply into your bass horn, creating a short stuttering note.
  4. You play a short note on your bass horn.
  5. You play a staccato note on your bass horn.
  6. You blow steadily into your bass horn, creating a long and sonorous note.
  7. Blowing steadily into your bass horn, you produce a long and deep note.
  8. You play a loud bass tone on your bass horn.

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Biwa item
Play:
  1. You create a horrible racket on your biwa.
  2. You play a discordant jumble of notes on your biwa.
  3. You pluck a few clashing notes on your biwa.
  4. You play an annoying tune on your biwa.
  5. You play a few simple notes on your biwa.
  6. An eerie melody come from your biwa as you deftly play it.
  7. You expertly play an interesting and upbeat tune on your biwa.
  8. With graceful movements, you play an emotional melody on your biwa.

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Black Clarinet item
Play:
  1. You blow into your black clarinet, creating a horrible squawking.
  2. You play a discordant wheeze of notes on your black clarinet.
  3. Blowing and tapping the key at random, you play a few ear-shattering notes on your black clarinet.
  4. You play a rather awful rendition of a popular tune on your black clarinet.
  5. Blowing steadily into your black clarinet, you play a sombre tune.
  6. You play a simple but pleasant ditty on your black clarinet.
  7. You deftly play a complex and harmonious melody on your black clarinet.
  8. Carefully craddling your black clarinet, you play a beautiful tune.

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Black Violin and Violin item and item
Play:
  1. A sound akin to a cat meowing comes from the black violin as you play it.
  2. You quickly pull the bow across your black violin, creating a clash of notes.
  3. You harshly drag the bow across your black violin, creating a horrible screeching noise.
  4. You play a few simple harmonics on your black violin.
  5. You play a boring tune on your black violin.
  6. Cradling your black violin, you play a pretty little tune.
  7. Moving the bow in a blur, you play a dramatic melody on your black violin.
  8. Slowly moving the bow, you play a hauntingly beautiful tune on your black violin.

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Carved Bone Aulos item
Play:
  1. You coax a squealing croak like a laryngitic raven from your carved bone aulos.
  2. You play your carved bones aulos, producing only a squelching noise like a philosopher who's forgotton his towel.
  3. You blow into your carved bone aulos, resulting in a damp sound like a Morporkian who's eaten too much cabbage.
  4. You play a simple, graceful tune like the wind through an olive grove on your carved bone aulos.
  5. You play a faltering harmony on your carved bone aulos.
  6. You play an elegantly geometrical air on your carved bone aulos.
  7. You play a deceptively simple dancing tune like the hooves of a flock of goats down a rocky mountain slope on your carved bone aulos.
  8. You raise your carved bone aulos and play an intricate lament for the passing of heroes, whose glory flares and fades like a torch in the night.
Perform:
  1. You insouciantly begin to perform a solo piece on your carved bone aulos which emits a sharp SQUAWK! and nothing else.
  2. You look embarrassed as your carved bone aulos produces only a few quiet, strangled notes.
  3. You perform a poorly timed and disharmoniously composed solo piece on your carved bone aulos.
  4. You timidly perform an awkward solo piece on your carved bone aulos.
  5. You perform a solo piece like young men singing on their way to war on your carved bone aulos.
  6. You carefully perform a slow, gentle solo piece on your carved bone aulos.
  7. You exuberantly perform a stirring solo piece like storm winds gathering over the wine- dark dolphin-haunted Circle Sea on your carved bone aulos.
  8. You lift your carved bone aulos to your lips to perform a flashing, skirling dancing tune as though for nymphs and satyrs to dance away a warm and velvet-dark night.
Serenade:
  1. You serenade [] on your carved bone aulos, producing a few sparse notes scattered with exacting precision through the silence.
  2. You serenade [] on your carved bone aulos, producing a quick flurry of notes, slightly off-key and ending rather hastily.
  3. You serenade [] with a coldly metrical tune on your carved bone aulos, demonstrating some elementary principles of geometry.
  4. You serenade [] with a simple shepherd's lullaby on your carved bone aulos.
  5. You favours [] with an old shepherd's tune on your carved bone aulos, normally used to count sheep.
  6. You serenade [] on your carved bone aulos, with a gentle tune like the cooing of doves as they settle for the night and tuck their heads under soft grey wings.
  7. You serenade [] on your carved bone aulos, creating a soft quiet melody like the scented caress of a breeze through the lemon groves.
  8. You lift your carved bone aulos to your lips and serenade [] with a gentle skein of notes, in which soft phrases twinkle like the first stars low in the evening sky

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Clay Flute item
Play:
  • You create a horrible noise by blowing on your clay flute.
  • You play a discordant jumble of notes ony our clay flute.
  • You play an annoying melody on your clay flute.
  • You play a pretty little tune on your clay flute.
  • You softly play a delicate tune on your clay flute.
  • You deftly play a spirited melody with pleasing tones on your clay flute.
  • You expertly play an upbeat melody with pleasant tones on your clay flute.

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Dark Glossy Lute item
Strum:
  1. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a discordant shiver of chords.
  2. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a discordant mess of mangled chords, sounding a lot like a few dozen bottles of muscatel shattered in a tavern brawl.
  3. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a few clashing chords, obviously distracted by thoughts of damsels in distress.
  4. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing an odd twanging, jarring melody.
  5. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a gentle ripple of melody.
  6. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a pleasant ringing tone like the unsheathing of fine steel.
  7. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a gentle sequences of chords to awaken the heart and inspire daydreams.
  8. You strum your dark glossy lute, producing a magnificent series of chords that fills the ears and mind with images of extravagantly plumed hats.
Play:
  1. You cradle your dark glossy lute like the last bottle of wine in the tavern, and play an embarrassingly inept ballad about a chicken.
  2. You pick out a stumbling attempt at a tune on your dark glossy lute.
  3. You play an awkward marching tune, on your dark glossy lute, just slightly out of time.
  4. You play a pretty but silly ballad of rash men and foolish maidens on your dark glossy lute.
  5. You play a rousing drinking song on your dark glossy lute about good fellowship and good wine.
  6. You gently play a quiet, suggestive melody on your dark glossy lute, like a rare breeze in the hot Genuan night.
  7. You dramatically play an intricate rippling arpeggio like the flicker of fine steel blades on your dark glossy lute.
  8. You cradle your dark glossy lute like the most beautiful woman in the world, and sing a plaintive, beautiful ballad of hopeless love yearning from afar and a heart that would break for want of a word of kindness.
Perform:
  1. You dramatically takes up your dark glossy lute, and produces a horrible unpleasant noise from its strings.
  2. Holding the pick like a table-knife, you cruelly rip a ghastly, discordant mess of mangled chords from your dark glossy lute.
  3. You awkwardly pick out a clumsy, tuneless solo piece on your dark glossy lute.
  4. You timorously perform a quiet, uninspired solo piece on your dark glossy lute.
  5. You perform a gentle, passionate solo piece on your dark glossy lute.
  6. With extravagant gestures, you perform a fast, extravagant solo piece on your dark glossy lute, reminiscent of the dance two men do and one man walks from.
  7. Making it look easy, you perform a quick, passionate solo piece on your dark glossy lute, like the rippling of a young girl's laughter.
  8. With effortless eclat, you perform an exuberant, complex solo piece on your dark glossy lute, like the galloping of a highwayman's black horse under a full moon.
Serenade:
  1. You serenade [] on your dark glossy lute with a twangy tune of fumbling fingers. That could probably have worked better.
  2. You serenade [] on your dark glossy lute with a song about a dozen bottles of muscatel on the wall. Maybe getting he drunk would work better.
  3. You take up your dark glossy lute with a suitable flourish and set your pick to the strings, producing a jarring cacophony, like a clumsy youth's first words to the love of his life. Let's hope [] is charmed by the, er, innocent naivety of it.
  4. You serenade [] with a soft sad lament of lost love on your dark glossy lute.
  5. You take up your dark glossy lute and serenade [] with a light but passionate ballad of love-lorn maidens locked behind nunnery walls. That should get [his/her] mind running along the right lines.
  6. You serenade [] on your dark glossy lute with a bawdy song about the voluptuousness of young women. Nothing wrong with letting [him/her] know what you like, after all.
  7. You serenade [] on your dark glossy lute with a light-hearted ballad of a maiden and a knight walking in the meadows beneath strong castle walls. Now take her hand and slip in a few references to soft-petalled flowers and you should be well away.
  8. You serenade [] on your dark glossy lute with a soaring ballad of larks, singing against the rosy evening sky, on the last night lovers have before the battle breaks. Let's hope she takes the hint.
Item Chats:
(Everyone in the room can see)
  • Your dark glossy lute resonates softly and quietly on its own for a moment.
  • A breath of air sends a quivering, dancing note rising up like a ripple of heat from your dark glossy lute.
  • Your dark glosssy lute shivers with a soft arpeggio of song.
  • The rich intoxicating scent of beeswax rises from your dark glossy lute.

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Dented Penny Whistle item
Play:
  1. You play a noise like someone dragging a cat down a blackboard on your dented penny whistle.
  2. You play a horrible unmusical noise on your dented penny whistle.
  3. You play a shrill tune on your dented penny whistle.
  4. You play a pleasant tune on your dented penny whistle.
  5. You play a lilting melody on your dented penny whistle.
  6. You play a delightful trilling melody on your dented penny whistle.

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Didgeridoo item
Play:
  1. You blow into your didgeridoo, creating a rather unpleasant sounding noise similar to a horse passing wind.
  2. You blow briefly into your didgeridoo, producing a short unpleasant noise similar to a whoopee cushion.
  3. You play a brief wavering tone on your didgeridoo.
  4. You play a brief resonating note on your didgeridoo.
  5. You blow sharply into your didgeridoo, creating a brief resonance.
  6. You play a long, low, resonating tone on your didgeridoo.
  7. Blowing steadily into your didgeridoo, you produce a long, resonating note.
  8. You blow steadily into your didgeridoo, creating a long and complex resonating tone.

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Dobachi item
Play:
  1. You bash a dobachi with a striking stick, creating a loud and annoying ringing tone.
  2. With a lack of grace, you slam a striking stick into the side of a dobachi, creating an irritatingly loud tone.
  3. You strike a dobachi once, creating a single echoing tone.
  4. You strike a dobachi, creating an annoying rhythm on it.
  5. You deftly strike a dobachi with a striking stick, producing a clear, bright tone.
  6. Striking the dobachi skillfully, you play a tune in clear, bright tones.
  7. Switching between striking a dobachi and running the striking stick around its rim, you create a beautiful ringing rhythm in clear tones.

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Dragon Harp item
Play:
  1. Showing no real musical ability, you play a horrible noise on your dragon harp.
  2. A melody awful enough to pluck birds from the sky come from the dragon harp as you play it.
  3. You harshly pluck at your dragon harp, producing a melody so tuneless that the air rustles as generations of bardic souls quiver in outraged anger.
  4. You jerkily pluck at your dragon harp, creating a grating melody.
  5. You play an amusing air on your dragon harp.
  6. You play an insipid melody on your dragon harp.
  7. You play a sourful tune of painful regret and longing on your dragon harp.
  8. As you deftly play your dragon harp, a hopeful melody of young love in old hearts fills the air.
  9. You expertly play a sumptuous ballad of feasting and games on your dragon harp.
  10. You delicately pluck your dragon harp, creating a climactic crescendo of anguished loves and lauded deaths, passionate deeds and noble heroes, tortured hopes and the weight of future's history.
Perform:
  1. Plucking at the strings of your dragon harp, you perform a ditty so devoid of skill and soul that it seems curiously muffled, as the air itself resists inflicting it on mortal ears.
  2. You perform a ditty that would disgrace a drunken sailor.
  3. You play a mindless ditty on your dragon harp.
  4. You perform a brisk solo on your dragon harp.
  5. You perform a nondescript ditty on your dragon harp.
  6. You creatively play a richly rippling rill of song on your dragon harp, wending through the air.
  7. You create a sparkling styling on your dragon harp, evoking the ghosts of emotions long past.
  8. You slowly pluck at the strings of your dragon harp, creating a sombre lament that echos with the love of creation and the knowledge of bards long passed, that speaks of the good and the bad and the human in all, that mourns for the living and weeps for the dead, and that spills into breaking voice the conflict and the terror, the glory and the pain of living each second on this vale of tears.
Serenade:
  1. You serenade [] with an affront to music on your dragon harp.
  2. You pluck at your dragon harp, serenading [] with a tune so utterly lacking in musicial merit that the dragon harp seems to shudder in revulsion.
  3. You serenade [] with a somewhat irritating tune on your dragon harp.
  4. You serenade [] with a mediocre tune on your dragon harp.
  5. You play an archly inquisitive air for [] on your dragon harp.
  6. You serenade [] with a sharply restive facet from the face of harmony on your dragon harp.
  7. You create a searing soliloquy of sound on your dragon harp for [].
  8. You lovingly craddle your dragon harp, playing for [] a luscious layering of exquisite expression, impregnating the air with tradition and lore.
  9. You serenade [] with a haunting melody and ominous low tones and earing high notes on your dragon harp.

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Ebony Guqin item
Strum:
  1. You strum an ebony guqin, producing a dischordant mess of mangled chords, sounding alot like a black market tavern brawl.
  2. You strum an ebony guqin, producing a dischordant shiver of notes.
  3. You strum an ebony guqin, producing an odd twanging, jarring melody
  4. You strum an ebony guqin, producing a fine reverberation of melody
  5. You strum an ebony guqin, producing a series of chords of such harmonious perfection as to fill all those nearby with unequalled ardour.
  6. You strum an ebony guqin, producing a few clashing chords, obviously distracted by thoughts of damsels in distress.
  7. You strum an ebony guqin, producing an eloquent sound not unlike that of samurai ritually drawing their katana.
  8. You strum an ebony guqin, producing an inspired series of notes of such poetry as to positively lure the gods of inspiration.
Play:
  1. Clearly disrespectful of an instrument as valued as the ebony guqin, you pluck rapidly at its strings, making quite the racket.
  2. You pluck the strings of the ebony guqin disrespectfully, creating a few harsh twangs.
  3. You create a few discordant twangs on the ebony guqin.
  4. Randomly plucking at the ebony guqin, you create a few clashing notes.
  5. You play a simple melody on the ebony guqin.
  6. You deftly play a traditional tune on the ebony guqin.
  7. A slow and haunting melody comes from an ebony guqin as you carefully pluck its strings.
  8. You gently pluck the strings of the ebony guqin, summoning a tune of ancestral heritage.
Perform:
  1. Crudely stabbing and plucking at the strings, you wrench a tear inducing horror of aural garbage out of the ebony guqin.
  2. You take up an ebony guqin and bring forth a hideous discord of sound from the tortured strings.
  3. you clumsily pluck out a simple solo piece on the ebony guqin.
  4. You perform a gentle yet passionate solo piece on an ebony guqin.
  5. You timidly performs a soft and hesitant solo piece on an ebony guqin.
  6. With great fervour you perform a patient and ritualistic solo piece on the ebony guqin, reminiscent of the sunrise.
  7. With effortless skill and agility, you perform an ostentatious solo on the ebony guqin dwelling on the frivolity of spring festivals.
  8. Swiftly plucking at the strings, you perform a fast and intricate solo piece on the ebony guqin like the cadence of the Five Houses' politics.
Serenade:
  1. You passionately leer at p[, yet cannot get a harmonious melody from an ebony guqin for all the roses on the Disc.
  2. You serenade [] on an ebony guqin by means of nearly breaking the strings trying to get a sound out of it.
  3. You enthusiastically serenade [] by twanging the strings of an ebony guqin in a very impressive, yet unskilled, manner.
  4. You serenade [] with a slow lament of epic love on an ebony guqin.
  5. You stroke the strings of an ebony guqin in an oddly unsettling manner in an effort to serenade [].
  6. You position an ebony guqin carefully and serenade [] with a sensuous melody of swans and angels and sunrises.
  7. You gently flick the strings of an ebony guqin to summon a ballad on forbidden love and insurmountable House differences.
  8. You fix your eyes on [] with an amorous gaze and commence a serenade on an ebony guqin with such languor as to cause your hands to soar and pluck and fly across the strings in resemblance of the heartbeat of two lovers entwined.

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Ebony Organ, Magpyr Castle, Uberwald item
Play:
  1. You sit at the organ and look down at the keys expectantly. After a few moments a wave of dark humor seems to wash over you and you pound on the keys.
    Retracting stops and moving your hands along the keys in a wicked manner you pound out a rhythm of haunting melodies. Screams and thunders follow your beck and call. Creaky chimes and cackles echo up the pipes and spread out into the hall filling it with melody. Sated and tired you step away from the organ and wipe the sweat from your brow and look wonderingly at the fine instrument.

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Hammered Dulcimer item
Play:
  1. You begin to play a hammered dulcimer, producing something a little like a tune, but rather more like a cat having a brief but unpleasant encounter with a camel's hoof.
  2. You play a hammered dulcimer, producing only a dull tapping sound.
  3. You quickly play a quick repetitive pinging noise on a hammered dulcimer.
  4. You play a simple dance tune on a hammered dulcimer.
  5. You play a quick tripping melody on a hammered dulcimer.
  6. You play an elegant chiming tune on a hammered dulcimer.
  7. You play a soft intricate rhythm on a hammered dulcimer, like the first drops before a monsoon.
  8. You play a fast, exuberant melody on a hammered dulcimer, like the ringing of a dozen dancing handmaidens' ankle bells.
Perform:
  1. You confidently perform a solo piece rather too advanced for your talents on hammered dulcimer.
  2. You make a stumbling attempt at a solo piece on a hammered dulcimer.
  3. You perform a foolish little solo piece on a hammered dulcimer.
  4. You take up your dulcimer hammer to perform a distinctive but uninspired solo piece.
  5. You perform a technically competent, but plain and uninteresting solo piece on a hammered dulcimer.
  6. You perform a quiet but elegant solo piece on a hammered dulcimer.
  7. You tap out a fierce, ringing piece on a hammered dulcimer, like the chiming of cavalry horses' hoovers.
  8. You elegantly perform a magnificent solemn solo piece on a hammered dulcimer, evoking images of splendid palaces amongst caves of ice.

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Some are same as other bluesy like instruments
Harmonica item
Play:
  1. Blowing into your harmonica, you play a collection of notes that sound like a parrot being ticked.
  2. If a cat has inhaled the harmonica, the sound coming from it when it meowed would be somewhat similar to what you is playing.
  3. Showing no real musical ability, you play a horrible noise on your harmonica.
  4. You play a boring tune on your harmonica.
  5. You play a basic blues melody on your harmonica.
  6. You play a simple yet moving tune on your harmonica
  7. You skillfully play a soulful melody on your harmonica.
  8. Expertly blowing into your harmonica, you play some sad and lonely blues music that sears across your soul.

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Howondalandish Jungle Drum item
Play:
  1. You play an irregular thumping rythym on a Howondalandish jungle drum.
  2. You play a repetitive booming sound on a Howondalandish jungle drum, like the wingbeat of an enormous vulture.
  3. You play a loud hollow sound on a Howondalandish jungle drum, like a speared elephant hitting the earth.
  4. You tap out a compex rhythym on a Howondalandish jungle drum, resembling the mating call of a rare black woodpecker.
  5. You hammer on a Howondalandish jungle drum, an authoritative rumbling akin to the awakening of a distant volcano reverberates from it.
  6. You drum out a masterful sound on a Howondalandish jungle drum, like the voice of an ancient jungle god demanding sacrifices.
  7. You beat an urgent rhythm like the approach of a column of army ants on a Howondalandish jungle drum.

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Kokiriko item
Play:
  1. In movements that no instrument should be subjected to, you create a loud and irritating rattle on your kokiriko.
  2. You move the handle of your kokiriko tentatively, creating a brief rattling noise.
  3. You shake your kokiriko, creating an unpleasant rattle.
  4. You play an irritating rattling rhythm on your kokiriko.
  5. You shake your kokiriko to create a pleasant clattering rhythm.
  6. You play a quick clattering rhythm on your kokiriko.
  7. Skillfully moving the kokiriko, you create an interesting clattering rhythm.
  8. Deftly using the handles of the kokiriko, you play a pleasant rhythm like that of a row of dominoes falling.
Perform:
  1. You shake your kokiriko, creating an irritating rattle.
  2. You perform a dull solo on your kokiriko.
  3. You play a rather boring solo on your kokiriko.
  4. You perform a lively clattering solo on your kokiriko.
  5. You perform an uninspired rattling solo on your kokiriko.
  6. You deftly shake your kokiriko, playing a creative rattling rhythm.
  7. Skillfully working the handles of your kokiriko, you perform an innovative clattering solo.
  8. Weaving your kokiriko in the air you perform an impressive impressive and complex clattering solo reminiscent of dominoes falling.
Serenade:
  1. You stare at [] as your shake your kokiriko, creating an annoying rattling noise with it. Oh dear, [he/she] does not look very impressed.
  2. You shake your kokiriko at [], creating a disturbing rattle on it.
  3. You serenade [] with an irritating clattering noise on your kokiriko.
  4. You deftly play your kokiriko, serenading [] with an interesting rattling rhythm.
  5. You serenade [] with a rapid rattling rhythm on your kokiriko.
  6. You hastily serenade [] with an irregular rattling rhythm on your kokiriko.
  7. You deftly play your kokiriko, serenading [] with an interesting rattling rhythm.
  8. You move your kokiriko slowly but steadily, serenading [] with a clattering sound reminiscent of rain falling on a tiled roof.
  9. With a firm grasp of the kokiriko's handles, you use it to serenade [] with a clattering sound akin to that made by a pair of lovers running to a secret hideaway.

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Lancre Bagpipe item
Play:
  1. Taking a deep breath you blow into your Lancre bagpipe. For a second nothing happens but then a huge sound like a swarm of angry bees in a storm fills the air.
  2. You blow into your Lancre bagpipe but only manages to produce a sad little whine.
  3. With no real skill, you play a horrible clash of notes on your Lancre bagpipe.
  4. You play a simple and wheezy tune on your Lancre bagpipe.
  5. You play an unpleasant tune on your Lancre bagpipe.
  6. You play a noisy yet uplifting melody on your Lancre bagpipe.
  7. Skillfully playing your Lancre bagpipe, you create a motivational tune.
  8. Steadily blowing into your Lancre bagpipe, you play a patriotic song about Lancre.

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Ornate Wooden Harp, Magpyr Castle, Uberwald item
Play:
  1. 0-173 bonus
  2. You violently and awkwardly twang a few strings on the ornate wooden harp. You wince at this violation of the beautiful instrument.
  3. You awkwardly pluck a couple strings on the ornate wooden harp, creating dull tones that fade out in an unpleasant rattling of metal string against wooden body.
  4. You run your fingers randomly along the strings of the ornate wooden harp. The resulting sounds, although forced into harmony by the delicate tuning of the instrument, lack interest.
  5. You brush your fingers tentatively over the strings of the ornate wooden harp, producing a simple yet calming melody.
  6. You nestle the ornate wooden harp into the curve of your arms, your fingers rippling over the strings in a graceful air that brings a sense of peace.
  7. After a moment of contemplation and peace, you begin to play the ornate wooden harp. Your fingers glide along the strings with silken movements, creating a resounding harmony that seems to fill the room with light.

    "[] quietly begins to play the ornate wooden harp. All other sounds fade into irrelevance as the intensity of his/her performance grows. The harp seems to glow and fill with light as the flowing notes cascade through the room. The golden light ripples in time with the movements of []'s fingers, radiating a timeless calm. The music gently yet firmly comes to a close, and reality reluctantly returns."

  8. You embrace the ornate harp, blending together as if it were part of you, as if you were part of it. Each golden string seems to glow just before you touch it. The music resonates through your soul as it fills the room with an intense, warm light.

    "[] embraces the ornate wooden harp like a mother her child, running his/her fingers authoritatively and masterfully over the strings to bring out the full potential of the instrument. A feeling of calm spreads through the room, as if all sins have been forgiven and all sinners may now start afresh."

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Piano, haunted house, Genua item
Play:
  1. You play a tune on the black piano that fails to be at all scary.
  2. You play a boring sonata on the black piano.
  3. You hit a few keys of the black piano, playing some low notes.
  4. You play a few eerie notes on the black piano.
  5. You play a few broken chords on the black piano.
  6. You lightly touch the keys of the black piano, playing a few spooky chords.
  7. A dramatic melody sounds from the black piano as you play it.
  8. You tease the keys of the black piano, playing a complicated sonata that sends shivers down ones spine.
Perform:
  1. You play a clash of notes which totally fail to be scary on the black piano.
  2. You perform an uninspired solo on the black piano.
  3. You play a brief and uninteresting solo on the black piano.
  4. You perform a dull solo on the black piano.
  5. You perform an eldritch solo on the black piano.
Serenade:
  1. You serenade [] on the black piano with a rude song about hedgehogs.
  2. Randomly hitting at the keys of the black piano, you serenade [] with an irritating song about bunny rabbits.
  3. You hastily serenade [] with a poorly phrased song on the black piano.
  4. You serenade [] with a song about bats on the black piano.
  5. You play a boring tune for [] on the black piano.
  6. You play the black piano, serenading [] with a song proclaiming for the world to hear that death need not be a barrier to love.

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Piano, Assassins Guild, Ankh-Morpork item
Play:
  1. You hit the keys of the piano at random, creating a horrible noise.
  2. Showing no real skill, you play a clashing bars on the piano.
  3. You play a few clashing chords on the piano.
  4. You play a few scales on the piano.
  5. You play a simple waltz on the piano.
  6. You play a few incorrect scales on the piano.
  7. A sad yet beautiful melody comes from the piano as you skillfully move your fingers across the keys.
  8. Fingers blurring, you play a complicated melody on the piano.

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Recital Harp item
Play:
  1. You hammer on the string of the recital harp, inflicting on your surrounds a melody awful enough to pluck birds from the sky.
  2. You torture the recital harp into a melody so tuneless that the air rustles as generations of bardic souls quiver in outraged anger.
  3. You pull at the strings of the recital harp, bringing forth a grating melody.
  4. You strum the recital harp, producing a pleasing ditty.
  5. You strum at the recital harp, producing an insipid melody.
  6. You pluck at the recital harp, eliciting a haunting melody of dragons fighting 'twixt tendrils of mist.
  7. You caress the strings of the recital harp, forming a bewitchingly beautiful ballad that brings thoughts of hills and rain.
  8. You let your fingers dance over the strings of the recital harp, weaving a hauntingly desolate melody that conjures up imagery of wild and windswept moors, rolling mists on silver tarns, crystal waterfalls and brooding stone monoliths.
Perform:
  1. You hammer the recital harp with gusto, emitting a ditty that would disgrace a drunken sailor.
  2. You inflict $pself upon the recital harp, squeezing from its abused strings a ditty so devoid of skill and soul that is seems curiously muffled, as the air itself resists inflicting it on mortal ears.
  3. You strum at the recital harp, producing a nondescript ditty.
  4. You play a happy song on the recital harp.
  5. You pluck at the recital harp, giving rise to a mindless ditty.
  6. You tinker with the recital harp, producing a thoughtful strain that spins old regrets into new promises.
  7. You move your hands over the recital harp, drawing out a touchingly sombre theme, overlaid with lilting promises.
  8. You caress the strings of the recital harp, evoking a gorgeously rich tapestry of sound, woven of thought on the loom of the heart.
Serenade:
  1. You punch the strings of the recital harp, producing an affront to music.
  2. You wrestle out a tune so utterly lacking in musical merit that the recital harp seems to shudder in revulsion.
  3. You pluck at the recital harp, producing an irritating tune.
  4. You strum a mediocre tune on the recital harp.
  5. Your fingers blur over the recital harp, producing a cheerful song.
  6. You pluck slowly at the recital harp, playing a soulful requiem of friends lost and love betrayed.
  7. You coax from the recital harp a gloriously poignant dirge to sooth the spirit and heal the heart.
  8. You stroke the recital harp tenderly, drawing out a hauntingly inspiring ballad that whispers aeons of history, legend and lore into the uncaring air.

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Reed Pipe item
Play:
  1. You blow into your reed pipe, creating a noise like a sheep mewling about a broken leg and three fatherless lambs.
  2. You blow into your reed pipe, creating a few frightened whistles reminiscent of startled quails.
  3. You timidly play a little tune like a kitten mewing for attention.
  4. You play a merry tune, quite like a nightingale's song on your reed pipe.
  5. You play a simple little melody reminiscent of the blackbird's morning song on your reed pipe.
  6. You play a complex melody reminiscent of a chorus of wild birds chiming in the sun on a spring morning on your reed pipe.
  7. Skillfully playing your reed pipe, you create a fast-paced melody that brings to mind images of swallows in flight on a warm summer day.
  8. With obvious musical talent, you play your reed pipe, creating a complex, tinkling tune that brings to the mind's eye the myriads of tiny twinkling dewdrops on the grass of meadows in the morning.

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Silver Flute item
Play:
  1. You play a few ear-shattering notes on your silver flute.
  2. Something that sounds like the mating call of an enraged raven comes from the silver flute as you play it.
  3. You blow into your silver flute, creating a horrible tune with too many high notes.
  4. You play an unpleasant melody on your silver flute.
  5. You play a simple yet pretty tune on your silver flute.
  6. Blowing into your silver flute, you play a delicate melody.
  7. You expertly play a beautiful and moving melody on your silver flute.
  8. Holding your silver flute to your lips, you play a spiritual tune worthy of the gods.

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Small Brass Whistle item
Play:
  1. You blow harshly into the small brass whistle, producing a series of badly-controlled squeaks reminiscent of sheep being chased around a field by a wolf
  2. With a deep breath, you blow into your small brass whistle, producing a loud, harsh note like the yell of a farmwife whose husband has just rolled in three hours late and stinking of scumble.
  3. Blowing into your small brass whistle, you create a tentative couple of notes, trembling like a wide-eyed little child meeting a tharga beast for the first time.
  4. You play a technically correct but extremely uninteresting tune, perfectly evocative of the old bore who spends every evening in the pub refusing to shut up about his favourite crop management theories.
  5. You play a sweet little tune reminiscent of sheep frolicking in a field on your small brass whistle.
  6. Gently playing your small brass whistle, you create a soft melody that brings to mind a shy shepherd boy daydreaming about a pretty village girl.
  7. Energetically playing your small brass whistle, you create an intricate dance of melody, the notes weaving around each other like drunken farmers wending their way home from the pub.
  8. Skillfully using your small brass whistle, you play a simple and inviting tune evoking thoughts of the warm scent of summer evening, the softness of summer grass, and the gentle beauty of a village lass to enjoy them with.
Perform: None
Serenade:
  1. You serenade [] with your wooden recorder, playing something that sounds like two tom cats fighting.
  2. You serenade [] with an awful tune of clashing notes on your wooden recorder, showing no consideration to anyone's eardrums.
  3. You play your [instrument], serenading [] with a boring and unimaginative tune.
  4. You serenade [] with a rather monotonous tune on your [instrument].
  5. You timidly serenade [] on your [instrument] with a simple yet appealing tune.
  6. You serenade [] with a soft and romantic melody on your wooden recorder.
  7. You gallantly serenade [] on your wooden recorder with a popular romantic song.
  8. You passionately play a heart-felt melody, serenading [] with your [instrument].

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Snake Charming Pipe item
Play:
  1. You play a somewhat offensive tune on your snake charming pipe.
  2. Blowing into your snake charming pipe at random, you create a horrible collection of notes.
  3. You play a simple tune on your snake charming pipe.
  4. You deftly play a hypnotic melody on your snake charming pipe.
  5. Moving your snake charming pipe hypnotically, you create an exotic and enthralling melody on it.
  6. Body swaying, you play a totally intoxicating and hauntingly beautiful tune on your snake charming pipe.

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Staves, Monks of Cool, Uberwald item
Play:
  1. You're just not up to the task of reading music this cool. [Fail check in theory]
  2. Frustratingly, although you can hear the music in your head, you can't even get started on the task of humming it.

    "[] stares dorkily at the music painted on the wall and works his/her throat around a bit, but seems to have forgotten how to hum. Uncool."

  3. Staring at the music painted on the wall, you clear your throat tentatively and try to hum along. Your timing's really off though, and you trail off embarrassedly.

    "[] stares at the music painted on the west wall and clears his/her throat somewhat unnecessarily loudly. He/She briefly hums something that you can tell could be really cool if hummed by someone with the remotest amount of musical talent. [], alas, is not that person."

  4. Staring as the music on the wall, You hum a few bars. It sounds kind of flat though, nowhere near as cool as it sounded in your head.

    "[] stares at the music painted on the wall and starts mumbling something vaguely musical."

  5. Running your eyes along the bars of music, you hum along. Pretty cool!

    "[] stares at the music painted on the wall, and starts to hum a catchy tune."

  6. You take another quick glance at the notes painted on the wall, then close your eyes and let the music pour out of you. Beginning softly, barely audibly, as you continue to hum the dead man's blues, the coolness grows until you feel it as a tangible presence, moving you, swaying you, filling you. All too soon, the music's at an end and you find yourself longing for more.

    "[] glances briefly at the notes painted on the wall, then closes his/her eyes and gently starts to hum some of the coolest, bluest music you've ever heard. As he/she sways coolly along, it almost seems as though the statue is nodding its head approvingly in time. After just a couple of moments, he/she concludes the performance with a single, trailing, hanging note that lingers like the girl who's just broken your heart but can't bring herself to leave you to cry."

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Taiko Drum item
Play:
  1. You strike a taiko drum several times, creating a disrespectful booming noise.
  2. You play a loud and irritating beat on a taiko drum.
  3. You tap a taiko drum in a monotonous beat.
  4. A booming rhythm comes from a taiko drum as you confidently strike it.
  5. You create a fast-paced beat in rich tones on a taiko drum.
  6. Moving energetically, you expertly play a complex and exciting rhythm in warm, rich tones on a taiko drum.

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Wooden Koto item
Play:
  1. Clearly disrespectful of an instrument as beautiful as the wooden koto, you pluck randomly at its strings, making quite the racket.
  2. You pluck the strings of the wooden koto disrespectfully, creating a few harsh twangs.
  3. You randomly pluck at the strings of the wooden koto, creating a few clashing notes.
  4. You play a simple melody on the wooden koto.
  5. A peaceful melody comes from a wooden koto as you carefully pluck its strings.
  6. Skillfully plucking the strings, you create an elegant tune on the wooden koto.
  7. You gently pluck the strings of the wooden koto, creating a tune of remarkable beauty.

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Wooden Whistle item
Play:
  1. You blow into your wooden whistle, creating a single funny-sounding note, reminiscent of a fortnight's exclusive diet of cabbage and potatoes.
  2. You blow into your wooden whistle, creating an almost inaudible and rather messy hissing sound.
  3. You play a jaunty tune on your wooden whistle.
  4. You make a shrill loud noise with your wooden whistle.
  5. You play a soft air on your wooden whistle, like the rustle of night breezes through fruitbat fur.
  6. You blow into your wooden whistle, creating an elaborately modulated trilling sound.
  7. You skillfully play a slow, gently lilting melody like a fruitbat crooning for her fruitbat lover on your wooden whistle.

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item
Play:

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